


eye of the hurricane

by sonatines



Series: drops of hope from something broken [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Codependency, Drabble, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-29 18:49:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16270217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonatines/pseuds/sonatines
Summary: the broken glass is thrown away, the vomit cleaned up, and a mark lee is drowning in one of yukhei’s over-sized hoodies, tucked into bed comfortably. he's snoring softly, looking like shattered innocence and hope all at once, and yukhei has never been more in love.





	eye of the hurricane

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anyone suffering](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=anyone+suffering).



yukhei sees mark the same way he sees the coast on a rainy day. calm, grey and a bit gloomy, but still comforting nonetheless. but as serene as the atmosphere may seem, one change in the wind and chaos ensues. a gentle breeze suddenly turns into a tormenting hurricane that doesn’t let up for hours, causing mess and wreaking havoc on everything in its radius. soon, it disappears, as if it were never there in the first place. it’s shoved down and hidden away, the only evidence of its presence being the scent of salt water and an uncomfortable feeling of moisture hanging in the air.

that’s how the cycle goes, and that’s the way it’s always been. it gets to be exhausting from time to time, no, it gets to be infuriating. the honeymoon stages of _everything’s fine_ and _i’m okay_ , the tension that starts to build up and the fear of _i wonder how bad it’s gonna be this time_ , and the finale. the explosion that consists of tears, yelling, self-destructive behaviors. that’s the eye of the hurricane right there. the breakdown only happens once every few weeks, but when it does happen, it’s always a ride. you never know how bad it’s going to be or what you’re dealing with.

the thing is, yukhei doesn’t blame mark for being this way. it isn’t the boy’s fault that his father is gone, evaporated like the smoke of his mother’s cigarettes somewhere between his elementary and middle school years. though he sure wasn’t father of the year, he was a saint compared to mrs. lee, who was another story entirely. if mark was a hurricane, she was a black hole. sucking everything out of you and throwing it into the endless abyss, never capable of being brought back.

mark had too much torn away from him by that woman. his confidence, his trust, his control; poof. it physically pains yukhei to know how much damage that tiny beautiful boy has had to endure. pains him to know the extent of his suffering, and having to experience the aftermath of years of trauma first-hand. it tears him up when he finds his lover on the floor of the bathroom, puking his guts out onto the tiles as tears filled with anguish and self-disgust well up in his gorgeous doe eyes, running wet tracks down his face.

he runs to him, wrapping his arms around the blond’s waist as he heaves and shakes, whispering slurred apologies over and over again. yukhei says the same things every time, and he means them just as much at every single occurrence. _shh, it’s okay baby, i know. everything’s gonna be okay, i love you._

he hates looking mark in the eye as he says those words like a mantra, not wanting to hurt the broken boy in his arms even more by displaying his own falling tears. the last thing mark needs in this state is to know how bad he’s hurting yukhei. he carries him bridal style and helps him into clean and comfortable clothes, heart convulsing when the boy places an uncoordinated kiss on his forehead with a soft and sleepy _i love you, hei._ the broken glass is thrown away, the vomit mopped up, and a mark lee is drowning in one of yukhei’s oversized hoodies. tucked into bed, snoring softly and looking like shattered innocence, and it’s only then that he lets the dam break. 

yukhei cries for the boy whose body is now void of tears, having cried them all out after so many years. he cries for the hole they’re both trapped in and can’t seem to crawl out of.

yukhei knows this isn’t the first time, and it sure as hell won’t be the last. he knows he breaks a little more of himself every single time. jungwoo says he’s a fool, and constantly tells him he needs someone with stability. but yukhei couldn’t do stability. as much as the unhealthy cycle of his love ruins him, he’d never go anywhere without mark. perhaps that makes him a masochist, but it is what it is.

no matter how much shit, how much pain, how many sleepless nights he experiences, he’s willing to push through. endure everything for the only person he’s ever loved. mark lee is his soulmate, and he’d voluntarily suffer through hell for that boy if he had to, no hesitation, no questions asked.

 

the morning after is always the worst part. mark won’t remember what he said or did, but he’ll want to know, and he’s hellbent on finding out.

“yukhei, please tell me what happened,” he’s pleading, a look that says disappointed but not surprised etched onto his face and aimed at himself.

yukhei sighs, “i don’t even really know, baby. i was at work and when i came home, i found you on the bathroom floor. i just cleaned you up and put you to bed, nothing crazy happened, at least not that i’m aware of.”

that wasn’t the entire truth, but it was pretty close to it. yukhei was at work, but he raced to their apartment as soon as he started receiving messages from _markle farkle <3 _of random characters that were unintelligible. his co-worker and manager dongyoung saw his frantic look and sent him out the door right away, no hesitation.

as soon as he got to their front door, he heard the crying and glass shattering and immediately ran inside to assess the damage. luckily it was nothing too severe, and mark wasn’t injured this time, just a couple broken bottles on the floor. oh, and of course a boy puking on the bathroom tiles.

“i’m so sorry,” mark ducked his head into to yukhei’s chest in shame, knowing that he caused more of a scene than yukhei was letting on. “it won’t happen again.”

they both know it’s a lie, but neither one of them are going to address it. that’s a can of worms that shouldn’t be opened on a peaceful sunny morning such as this.

yukhei wraps his arms around mark’s waist, pulling the smaller boy on top of him in one swift motion, causing him to yelp in surprise. said boy looks down at him and cocks his head to the side with a small smile on his cute little pink mouth. yukhei falls in love with him even more with every glance and puts a hand on the back of his neck, pulling mark down and smashing their lips together.

despite the roughness of the initiation, the kiss is surprisingly gentle, and it’s filled with _i’m sorry i’m so fucked up and you love me anyway_. they continue to hold each other, basking in one another’s warmth as well as the sunlight streaming through the curtains. they continue to lie in silence until mark breaks it with an insecure and soft voice.

“hei?” 

“yes, baby?” yukhei answers, voice just as gentle. 

the blond looks up at him with his innocent round eyes, curly hair falling messily in front of them. “i love you. so much.”

“i know you do. i love you more than you’ll ever know, and i always will,” he brushes mark’s hair over and places a chaste kiss to his forehead. they need to talk about their situation, he knows they do. things can’t keep going on this way, and a mutual change has to happen eventually. but right now, with a broken angel in his arms, he thinks there has never and will never be anything more perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> oof that shit hurted. i hope y'all are okay and enjoyed that, though it may have been painful. could you tell i projected my shit onto this 1k full force? haha thank you so much for reading this word vomit, perhaps a sequel if it's wanted? mwah 
> 
> 101118  
> -sav


End file.
